mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
