And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
