Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize