put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
