I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
