What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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