his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
