I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
