Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
