You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
