Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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