I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize