is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
