It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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