My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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