remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize