Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
