you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
