There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm at about main and main street
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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