I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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