i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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