please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
