he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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