You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
