Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
