his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
