just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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