he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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