Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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