sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
