If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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