I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
