Soap is not a condiment
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize