sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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