i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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