so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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