I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
