My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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