We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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