Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
