then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
