I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
