id be glad to
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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