Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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