It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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