If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
