I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
