Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
