Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
