He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
