I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
