What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
