I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
