She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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