Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
