I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
