i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
