We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
