and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
