She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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