At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
