did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
