My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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