college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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