We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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