just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
