If that was your dad, he is hot
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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