Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
