you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
