i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
