The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize