I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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