I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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