i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
