Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
