i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
