he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
