friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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